Sometimes those setbacks are going to feel minor and easy to overcome and other times they are going to feel like our world is ending. What do we do when life does not go the way we planned? How do we deal with setbacks?
Realizing that setbacks are normal
You are not failing at life. I think this is the part of life that people don’t talk about enough. Most times we observe the parts of other people’s lives that they want us to see, which in most cases are the positive parts of the journey. However, as you talk to more people you will realize that many can share a story about experiencing something similar or had a time in their life when things didn’t go as planned.
We often normalize success without normalizing the ups and downs of the journey. Therefore, the first step to dealing with setbacks is actually seeing the setback as a normal part of life. We may not all experience the same setback but we will all experience our own version on our respective journeys.
Key Ways to Deal with Setbacks
Before we go any further…
First, I want to commend you for taking the first step. The fact that you either did a Google search to learn more about ways to deal with a setback or you clicked on this post on another website shows that you still have a little bit of fight left within you. It does not matter how much we wish the setback had not happened, wishful thinking and sitting in our thoughts are not the ideal ways to deal with it. So, you should feel proud that you are taking the first step to confront your setback.
So, what can you do to work through this setback?
Accept That Is Happened
As I mentioned above, the first way to deal with a setback is to realize that you have not failed in life and that you are not the only person experiencing a setback. Everyone has experienced some form of setback in their life. Once you accept setbacks as a part of the journey, it will allow you to focus more attention on figuring out what the lesson is and on figuring out what steps you can take to deal with it.
Anticipate Setbacks
If you have ever done project planning for your job or business, you might be familiar with the idea of anticipating risks and coming up with associated mitigations. Strong project planning actually expects and plans for potential setbacks. Yet, when it comes to life planning we expect things to go as planned and avoid thinking about less-than-ideal outcomes.
Therefore, another practice to adopt is to spend more time as we move forward thinking about what setbacks we may experience when pursuing specific goals. If we start by anticipating that there will be some setbacks, then we will be better able to plan some ways that we might deal with them.
Shift your perspective on failure
I recently heard someone say that failure is education. Therefore, a failure is only a failure if we don’t learn the lesson. If we accept the fact that setbacks are part of the journey, then it would also make sense for us to acknowledge that there could be some purpose or value in them when they happen. What is your setback teaching you about yourself? How can you use the lessons learned from this setback for self-improvement or to shift how you approach things in the future? What good has come out of the setback you experienced?
Keep it in perspective
It is not the end of the world, even though it may feel like it right now. I imagine there have been many times in the past when you experienced a setback and thought it was the end of the world. And then, what happened? It was not the end of the world because you are still here to experience the next one! At the moment, it might feel catastrophic, and in some cases, you might be experiencing a rock bottom type of setback. If that is where you are right now, I encourage you to say this to yourself: there is nothing that I cannot recover from.
It may take some time, but it is possible to recover.
Do not be afraid to hit the reset button
If you happen to be in that rock bottom place, do not be afraid to hit the reset button. I wrote a blog post about this because I feel too often we have a negative view of hitting reset or going through a season when we are reinventing ourselves.
We reset our phones to download the necessary upgrades. We hit reset on our computer when it starts to run slowly. We even hit reset when we are having a great time. Have you ever been out somewhere having a blast and told yourself you were leaving in 20 minutes but then added another 20 minutes when the time came? Well, you hit reset on the timer so you could extend the fun. Setbacks allow us the chance to hit reset and increase our efficiency by gleaning lessons from our previous season(s).
Stay Positive and Hopeful
It is important to remain hopeful about the future. As I mentioned above, we have to believe that it is possible to experience something better and it is possible to recover in time. In some way, time does have a slightly healing quality to it. If we allow ourselves to learn and mature in and from situations, wounds/pain is eased in time, forgiveness is given, solutions are found, love is renewed, and success is achieved. Inevitably, uncomfortable moments will continue to occur in life, but life does not have to be dreadful forever because of one dreadful moment.
Plan Your Next Steps
It is much easier to drown in the feelings associated with the setback if you do not have a plan or clue of how you will move forward. Even if it is baby steps, take some time to identify some next steps to improve by even 1% each day. It might take some time to see your way out of the situation, but doing some objective brainstorming or planning will definitely help to bring some clarity or at least a small sense of progress.
Watch out for negative thoughts
It would be delusional for us to deny the feelings of disappointment, shame, and discouragement that come with setbacks. These feelings are normal and a part of the process. However, it will be important to resist internalizing the negative thoughts that come along with setbacks. If we stay too long in the negative, it can overtake our thinking and prevent us from moving forward. Honestly, this part can be extremely hard and may take daily practice. If you want some ideas on how to not internalize negative thoughts, you can check out this blog post.
Don’t be so hard on yourself
I said that not internalizing negative thinking was the hardest part, but this one might be a close rival for the top spot. There are two things we need to manage: not beating ourselves down about the past and not beating ourselves down by going 1000% miles per hour trying to fix the setback overnight. In both cases, we need to utilize ongoing self-care practices that help us stay physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually healthy.
Ultimately, when I look around, I see both people who believe that life will get better and those that believe life will always SUCK. In the end, awful things do happen to everyone. Maybe I am delusional in believing there is always some light to find at the end of the tunnel (even if I can’t see it at the moment); but, that hope helps me get through hard times.
The good news is that for most situations I have experienced thus far in life, I can definitely say that there has always been a lesson, a blessing, or something greater on the other side. So, keep hope alive and stay the course. This is just a setback, not a final sentence.